A Pink Panther –editor,stuffed animal, alcoholic
He may be a raging alcoholic, and verbally abusive at times, but there aren’t many stuffed animals as smart as Pink Panther. Starting a fake magazine was his idea. He told us he would pay the bills, for weed, and keep the refrigerator stocked, as long as we write fake articles for this fake ass magazine.
We don’t ask a lot of questions like… how does a stuffed animal pay for everything? Or…how is a stuffed animal able to pay taxes and own land…or a business?
We don’t ask those questions. As long as he is buying the weed, and the pizza, and sneaking us into the movie theater I’m good.
Old Skool Joe –senior writer, retired rapper, self-proclaimed fantasy sports expert, pothead
Old Skool Joe says he was a rapper with many fans in the 1980’s, but no one I know has ever heard of him. So I guess he is retired…he always talks about making a comeback album but all I ever see him do is smoke weed, and yell about what happened at the fish joint.
Spaceman Jones –senior writer, space traveler, deep thinker, a total pothead
Spaceman Jones might be from outer space, or he might just be a dude in an alien costume. One thing I do know is this guy smokes a lot of marijuana! Strange bit of information he drives a van with no tires, but he disappears for days…sometimes weeks.
Spaceman is a different kind of dude.
He always has money but I’ve never seen him go to work.
But again we don’t ask questions…this is still a fake magazine.
Goliath –dog, head of security